Put Angels Fire out ......

My firefighter summed up in two sentences, before going into details about our first date...

**Waiting to hear from a job in Ottawa where his ex gf lives, and he has a good chance of getting the job
**Super cute, big connection, feels fantastic spending time with him...and yet he is worried about if he is over his ex or not...and how he doesn't want to get into something with me, and then have to up and leave when he gets this job.




Ok so my date last night, was the most confusing, weird...whatever and I needed to talk to someone about it -- so you get that job.

We had a fantastic night in general..... we went to BP and watched the game, had good conversation....then got to the movie and it was good....and then half way through the movie, i just was like F*CK it and i turned to him and put my arm underneath his and like cuddled up to him....and I was like ...I don't like your rules lol

So then for the remainder of the evening we were like that ....then he was driving me home really slowly...and we were still talking and what not...and then conversation started in the car when he dropped me off and basically he asked me if i was ready for a relationship, and I said I am...and I know what I want....and he said that he wants too, but he's so confused with his feelings for his ex cause they never really 'broke' up cause they hated each other, but more so because of the distance etc...

We talked about what I want...where I am in my life, and where he is...and I said...Im at the point where I want that relationship, and I can see it happening with him.. he agreed that there was a connection there, and that he is worried that we would start something, and then he would still have feelings for his ex or have to move...and I just said, well I guess Im in the mindset that you don't know if you never try....and he kept saying "You're killing me here" lol and he was like, if I had known that you were going to come into my life like this, I would have turned down the Ottawa interview....and I was kinda shocked and he was like -- thats why this is so hard for me...

We talked about how I got over Wes, and how hard that was for me - just as a point of interested for him, and he asked me how I did it....and I was like honestly, I can say that I've been 'single' for the past two years, and since I started talking to him, have I not ONCE thought about my ex, and I told him that I think him coming into my life helped me get over him. I told him how no matter how nasty a break up is , that you will always love that first one no matter what, and I understand that and its just how you handle it, and the understanding from your significant other, that helps you get over them .....then I used some cheesy line like " You can never get over your ex, if you don't get under someone else" hahahahah lol Im a loser

I told him that I didn't think it was fair to me for the expectation on his part to be that if he doesn't get the job in ottawa that I would just be here waiting for him - I told him that I don't have anyone else in my life right now, and that hopefully if that happens, I would be around....but you never know..and he was like ...I've never not jumped on a chance like this before -- I've told my friends about you , I've told my dad about you - and they are all amazed at how happy I am since we've started talking - I said the same....and I just said that no matter what happens, we are still gonna be friends, and still talk ....cause I don't want that to end....

So then at like 120 I was like alright well Im sorry for putting you on the spot etc, I guess I just really like you and think you're great etc....and he was like and I feel the same, I guess I just don't know what to do. So I was like ok -- you have one last chance to end this night with a kiss...we just stared at each other, and I fist pumped him lol and was like have a good night.

Then I got inside and felt like a loser for putting him on the spot like that, so I txtd him and apologized about how even though I knew why he was doing what he was doing, how sometimes my emotions get the best of me...and he wrote back " I feel like an idiot actually" so I was like well you should a little lol ....but I said that in the future it would be his call, and Im not putting myself out there....and he wrote back " All night I had so much fun with you, and I was so happy when you made the move in the theatre.....and then in the car, that was very hard not to jump you, I hope you know that". I told him that im glad im doing something right lol

He said he was envious that I was so secure in what I wanted and I knew 100% --- he said that he knows there is a connection there...and he knows that we would have fun and be a fantastic couple ...but we can't be until all this stuff gets figured out....and then I changed the subject lol


So bottom line - we both want this to happen - he doesn't want to hurt me by moving to Ottawa, but he also doesn't know where things stand with his ex. I told him that by allowing feelings for me to come through, he was realising that he wasn't going to be with her, and that it might be time to move on. I dunno -- it sucks...it was really hard to just leave the car, I've never felt so rejected ....yet I know that he wants me.....its the weirdest thing

lol there is my little strory about last night... :P