Angel from afar...

So

I can't remember the last time I was on here...staring at a blank space WANTING to fill it with all my thoughts and words and emotions and EVERYTHING....

So here I sit, on a Saturday night -- staring and having the urge to write it all. Write everything down that has happened since god knows when...

Mostly -- my emotions are just up and down right now, and I don't even know where to start.

Someone I care about, alot -- and always will; had his life shattered when he lost his mother. She passed away, and I cried. Not because I was so close with her, but because of the pain that I knew he was feeling. Now, in no way was that time supposed to be about me, it was his time to grieve...but I found out about the funeral and the viewing and I went to pay my condolences...and I sat in the parking lot, gathering up the courage to go in and pay my respects...and I couldn't do it.
That was the weirdest feeing in the world, knowing that somone that I cared so much about at one time, was 100ft away from me and hurting -- and there was nothing that I could do to stop it.

Again -- its not about me, but I just felt so bad for him, and was so confused about the whole situation.
..and now Im absolutely terrified that he is lying to me about how he's doing.

I've been there, I've lied about "How Im doing" and told people I was fine, when I wasn't...because you think to yourself, that no one else wants to hear your stories, no one else wants to know that you cry....but its ok to tell people, its ok to get help...just please God...don't turn to your vices...don't turn to smoking, drinking, gambling etc...instead turn to your gf, your friends, even me for Christs Sakes...just don't be ashamed about it all.

Thats about it for tonight -- there is so much more..Im just wiped..

Stay tuned.. xo