Angel has two sides today...

This is me at 5:00pm today:

I don't know if the word I would use is 'surprised'....but I guess I am surprised, that you sunk so god damn low as to cheat on YOUR GIRLFRIEND who had Cancer....you swore to me, to my face, that you didn't cheat on me with her...

Its a moot point right now...but with everything that is going on....it just hit me where it hurts...made me think about the timeline of everything...and you lied and you cheated...

Its been a year since then....and I've changed alot...I've matured alot...and I've also died alot physically and emotionally...killing white blood cells, my liver etc....learning alot about myself, and trying to forgive you for hurting me...

We broke up over St Paddy's day weekend...and if it had been any other weekend, maybe I wouldn't remember it so vividly....but it had to be a holiday weekend...

I don't even know what to do right now, I don't know what position to put myself in...I don't know if I should hate you...or just let it go...I don't know if I should call you out on it...and demand an apology...or just leave it...

With everything that is going on in my life right now, this just added to the amazement that I have in regards to how people treat other people....and why we must be so mean and rude to people that we apparently love and respect for in order to be better people....and why Im always that person that people are mean and rude too....just so they can get ahead...I just don't understand...





This is me at 11:00pm today:

I have Cancer , and I loved you...and you left me to die...alone

Fuck you -- I hope you rot in hell with your ugly fat ass girlfriend by your side...u deserve each other.....and I don't know why you still continue to hurt me with your lies and your broken promises...

You don't care about anyone but yourself...always too busy...

Well -- the day of my funeral, I hope you are too busy for that too..cause Im sure you will have some sort of excuse that day....

You anger me more than Cancer....think about that....

I find it funny....

...how I will be shacked up in a hospital bed this weekend, thinking about how one year ago YOU decided to leave me to deal with Cancer by myself....

...and yet you have decided to make the day that you abandoned me, your anniversary with her...how fucking disgusting is that...I hope you rot in hell...

I tried to take your attempt at caring to mean something...but it doesn't....you make me physically ill...

I don't understand why I even bother anymore...

No more tears...

I don't know what I have done to deserve this....or any of anything negative or bad for that reason....


I really just want smooth sailing....to be loved....

I just need someone to lie with and hold me and tell me it will all be ok...

..no judgements...just plain old cancer-tastic me.

Im so tired....

..and I can't cry any more tears, please don't make me cry more tears....