Fidelity

Infedelity is the most interesting situation one can expect to come across in a relationship...or in life...

When, you are in a relationship -- you are in that relationship because the person makes you happy, and because you feel connected to them on every level. You would not want to be intimate physically or emotionally with anyone else...because you love that person so much, that no one could be better than them.

Emotionally; you can still be unfaithful. When you find yourself sharing things with someone that is not your partner, and you find yourself keeping things from your partner because you are scared of how they will react and how they will see things -- or, you just don't care what they have to say anymore.

Physically; well -- thats pretty self explanatory. When you find that your partner is not satisfying you sexually, and you are sleeping/flirting/having dreams and talking to someone else with intentions of sex.

Now, Im writing this not because of a current situation ( well kinda) , but because of past situations that have arisen and I feel like I need to forgive them.

Wes -- I forgive you for cheating on me...for sleeping with other people, I was not helping the situation by being depressed, and dealing with my issues in ways that I shouldn't have. I forgive you because I have too...not because I want too..but because I feel everytime I go in for surgery I need to forgive more and more people who have made me angry..

I know that you never needed my forgiveness for that, because you are your own person, and live life as you need too -- but Im writing it for my sake.


Also -- this whole situation with Ron ( lol new nickname for someone) is really taking a toll on me. I mean I told myself that I was going to do what was good for me for the rest of my life ( however long that may be) and it turns out that the first guy I fall for...is well...taken. And the worst part about it -- is that he doesn't care...he was the one that pursued me...looked at me and said that I was worth it...

...but then I have to look past all my "Im doing what's right for me" and my "Fuck everyone else's feelings" and realise that Im gonna get hurt...again....and its not gonna be pretty

Ron says that its over with her and him...and its just a technicality with her...hmmmmm sounds familiar..lol....but

...Im happy, for now at least, and thats all that matters...

...I hope...

Angel ...has writers block..

So Im having writers block -- but yet I have so much to say...this is from my journal...the written one...that I bring with me in the waiting room...while Im waiting for the needle...the pain...the sickness...

...and since Im not going anymore...I was looking over my notes...and came across this...



love
Pronunciation: 'l&v
Function: noun


My whole life I have believed in the value of people...its probably one of the biggest blessings to me but also one of the biggest curses, because people hurt people. Thats the bottom line... You confuse me. All of you. And I confuse myself. This world we "love" is ripping us apart at the seams, and we are too afraid to fight for our humanity... don't you see we are being robbed? Children are supposed to laugh, and learn from mistakes. Women are supposed to know that they are beautiful not compare themselves against an image that has been modified. Women are supposed to be friends, and yet they throw daggars of poison in the others back, by gossiping. Mens image of strength and valour has been tainted by this world, that they cannot lead, and don't get me wrong, they don't need to rule the world, but men are supposed to be a force of strength, why are they weak? Why has this world stolen our muscle, the muscle that fights for his family, the muscle that fights for his women, rather then walks around looking for the first one that gives him a glance... are we really not worth the effort? Women should not need to nuture the family and LEAD the family, thats why there are two, right? .... Why are people carving and mutilating their body, so they can feel. Why are we letting this world rob us?!?!?! We are so much more than this world tells us. We have so much more.

THIS IS YOUR LIFE. ARE YOU WHO YOU WANT TO BE?

One step at a time, make yourself who you were created and want to be. We are made up by our choices. You choose to build your character or let this fallen world carve your character. Are your desires making you a prisoner or are you free? I thought we lived in a free nation? I thought we lived where we have free expression and freedom of speech and thought. Where are the words of the people? Why are we so afraid to fight for ourselves? How can I express my distress. I love people, why do they not love themselves. You cannot love others unless you love yourself...................and yet I never take my own advice...

ahhh.. my thoughts... I wish I could stop thinking, but I will keep thinking and I will keep running until I am finished on my last day on this earth. And I will keep fighting to be a better human being, employee, daughter, sister,friend, wife,lover, mother.... I will try and help this world, this sick, ill world, that is in such great need of love. Love. a four letter word can solve the worlds illness, can you believe that?

...a four letter word can make me smile ....and forget all the wrong....

...that four letter word...that has caused me so much pain...and still continues too...