Embarassed Angel

I think I might have gone a little over-board with my last post. I was mad at a whole bunch of things...and I guess it just sorta culminated with Wes being a little rude.

Oops.

:S

I feel like such a jackass...but I will give myself credit...my last post was so friggin emotional....WOW...thats all Im gonna say ...I love my writing...hahah

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!

In the Arms of an Angel...

When are you going to realize that you got something worth more that you can ever imagine?

When are you going to smarten up and take a look in the mirror and realize that you need to get your act together?

When are you going to stop treating me like shit -- and start giving me the respect and love I deserve?

When are you gonna look at me and say -- I love this girl....for who she is...not who I want her to be???

WHEN??????????


Im fed up. Im sick and tired of not living up to peoples standards, of not being good enough for people. I mean honestly -- I bust my ass to make Wes happy, to give him what he wants, to make him feel loved...and he doesn't do anything in return.

He complains when we see each other , he complains when I talk to him....I just ....

Im done. Emotionally. Im so fucking stressed out right now -- but hey guess what!?!?! I can't show it because if I let him know that Im stressed right now, he might think Im so crazy psychopath and things will go back to last year. He says I have 'teenage drama'....BULL FUCKING SHIT. I hate when he pulls the age card on me -- the fact that he is even using that tells me that he doesn't love me like he should.

I JUST WANT THIS ALL TO FUCKING GO AWAY...I WANT TO HAVE SOMEONE THAT LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY AND WILL BE NICE TO ME AND SHOW ME THAT THEY LOVE ME....

IM SO FUCKING FED UP OF BUSTING MY ASS IN EVERYTHING -- FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING...I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE.

WHY IS THAT SOOOOOO FUCKING HARD TO ASK FOR??? WHY IS HAVING SOMEONE THAT SUPPOSEDLY LOVE ME SHOW ME SOME LOVE BACK THE HARDEST THING IN THE WORLD....WHY DO I NOT DESERVE THAT.

....but for some reason...instead of being the independent woman that I am.....and instead of telling Wes a big ' FUCK YOU'....I stay with him...why you ask??? why after all this shit do I stay with him???? Well ........

....I used to have that answer...and unfortunately...Its getting harder and harder for me to find reasons....

fuck...

I love you for fucks sakes...I show you love, I am such a good god damn girlfriend to you --- and this is how you repay me....

I don't even know what to say to you to your face...I just hope you read this....

I love you.......but fuck you.

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

Fuck you for hurting me and causing me so much pain
Fuck you for not thinking Im special enough to spoil, not special enough for your attention
Fuck you for being embarassed to go out in public with me
Fuck you for cheating on me
Fuck you for breaking my heart, just to take it back again and slowly crush it to pieces with your not caring, and your non-exsistent ways of showing me that you love me.
Fuck you for making me lie to those people that I love so much....just so that I don't have to feel guilty about the choices I make in my life.
DOUBLE Fuck you for not realizing that what you have is a good thing -- and If you aren't careful, you're gonna wake up one morning wanting to tell me you love me....and someone else is already going to have beat you to it.


Fuck you for making me love you......Fuck....I hate you most of all for that.