Blargh Angel

These are just some random things that I came across while trying to tire myself....

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get--only with what you are expecting to give--which is everything.

"Nunc scio quit sit amor."
Lat., "Now I know what love is."


These are just a few of the things -- Im feeling especially sappy today, thinking alot about Wes and I......

*sigh* Anyone wanna lend me $3100 so I don't get kicked out of school???????????

Thanks :)
LOL

Meh Angel

Do you ever get that feeling - that things are good in your life....and you are happy....but there is just something- something that is hanging over yourself.....something that you know that you need to deal with....but not dealing with it , is the better choice?

Thats where Im at right about now...with two things....and they are both extremely important to me and my future. I just don't know how to proceed.

I sometimes feel like an idiot -- Wes told me that I bitch all the time....and that whenever I see him people always ask why I bitch all the time.....I don't think that I bitch ALL the time....but he purposely gets under my skin....for example....We got chinese on friday - I was taking it out of the bags and laying it out for people...when he says...no you aren't doing it right ( yah I know...Im not taking Chinese food out of the bag correctly....GIMME A BREAK) anyways...so I just look at him and say ok you do it then, and I back off....and he starts doing exactly the same thing that I was doing......THAT IS JUST ASKING FOR SOMETHING...

But you know what....Im not gonna say anything from now on....because frankly....I don't have the time for it....I don't have the energy...so Im just gonna see him, love him, and hope for the best....

Choosing not to deal with this at this point in time , might not be the best situation. I have dated other people....when Wes and I broke up , I went on a couple dates...and I know how I deserve to be treated, I know that telling myself that the relationship that Wes and I have is normal...is NOT normal. I just feel as though he doesn't care about me - he looks down on me, and doesn't look at me and see all the things I love, and all the things that make who I am.

I asked him to come to my production when it was done - and he said maybe. Not good enough. This is something that I am putting my whole heart into, something that I love to do - and as my bf he should understand that and no matter what his feelings on the subject are, he should still be there to support me......

Im hoping, that one day...he has an epiphany....he wakes up from this fog that he is in....and looks at me and tells me how much he loves me, and how he feels sorry for all the times he has treated me like a sack of shit.

Well - that is all that I could recover from my long rant tonight....I screwed up when I was hitting publish....GRRR I hate when that happens

Well - loooooooooooong couple of weeks ahead...It's Wes' birthday next week...YAYAYAY I love birthdays.....but he doesnt.....so we try and compromise...lol

Hopefully.....this grey cloud above my head will vanish without much thought - otherwise, I just hope that people smarten up...including myself.....

Hungover Angel

Im hungover. Well - I was this morning and all through the afternoon - but I sobered up pretty quickly with the news that my poppa died. I feel so guilty that I didn't spend alot of time with him. I mean -- I loved him so much...always such a nice guy and fun to talk too....Im just glad that he was out of his pain.....I wouldn't want him to suffer anymore. It just happened so suddenly. One day Dad is talking to him and laughing -- and the next he's gone....

Well, other than that ..Im getting sick...I can feel it happening and coming on sooooo quickly....GRRR

More news on the Wes front -- well I dunno bout MORE news...but I guess more so thoughts. I feel like Im letting not only myself down - but him down as well with the fact that I haven't lost alot of weight yet. I mean....I dunno. Im walking everywhere, Im jogging with my dog in the morning and stuff like that...and yet nothing. I feel like ass this week...so lets just hope its nothing serious...ya....fingers crossed.

No more explanations onto the wonderful find I had in his room a couple weeks ago -- and all I can say....is that if he is fucking someone else.....just fucking tell me. Be a man....and do it. Whats the worst that could happen??? I could never talk to him again??? But --if he really cared about me like that in the first place.....well then he would be able to keep his dick in his pants wouldn't he???

I don't know what I can do to make him happy.....I'm not 100% happy with myself right now...but im getting there....and I just want him to be happy with me...

I wish he loved me as much as I love him --or even if he does...I wish he'd show it. I wish he woudl stop making excuses for everything and anything we talk about and be the man that I know he is....

I just feel bad for him....because one day he's gonna wake up, roll over, and want to tell me how much he loves me ....and I'm gonna wake up next to someone who's beat him to it.

Sore throats suck.

Content Angel

Well - the start of a new school year.....and I guess Im content with myself. School is ok - first couple days have gone by uneventfully....so glad that the 32 sanders girls are there ....I love those girls!! We have soo much fun together!! Thats what the problem was last year - I wasn't laughing enough...I forgot how much I love to laugh! As stupid as it sounds...I think thats the main thing that I have been missing...time to sit around and have a good laugh - and a couple of drinks of course... ;)

Anyways....my poppa is on his last days -- and as much as my parents and I have not been getting along this summer...I can't help but feel bad for him...I mean he's on the brink of losing his father...and I know that they have not been getting along all the time ( just like me and him) but if I were to lose my dad - which will eventually happen, I know - I would be devastated....Anyways..I love my poppa and its gonna be hard and sad.....but life happens and he lived a good one ...I love you poppa! XOXOXOX

Things with Wes and I are good -- some issues with honesty need to be dealt with I think....but Im leaving it up to him to grow the hair on his balls and tell me like a man. And if you are reading this ---- BE A FUCKING MAN!!! TELL ME THE TRUTH AND ALL WILL BE GOOD!

Anyways - kegger tmrw night Im excited for ...so sleep time!!!!