Comfortably Numb Angel

Soo many conflicting feelings.....so many stupid things have happened....its 141 am and I need to sleep but my mind is riddled with questions that I can't seem to answer....that I don't WANT to answer....

More tmrw....I'll write while at work....no bosses in next week....gonna be pretty laid back....

My heart...well....I think its numb.....don't think it feels anything anymore.....almost like those bugs that form a hard outershell on their backs so that they don't get hurt by the predators....

Thats me....minus the 8 legs...and the whoel bug thing...lol

Talk to you more tmrw......it should be interesting..... *thumbs waaaaaaaaay down*

Baffled Angel

Ok so maybe its the weather, maybe its a little PMS, maybe its a whole lot of things - but for some reason Im just so god damn irritable....

Im tired...and all I want is to do nothing ...I don't want to work - I don't want to do anything - I just want to pamper myself all the time :)

Im dying my hair on Thurs...prolly reddy - not really sure though.....gonna go with the professional opinion on that one....

.....and I woke up this morning - after a night of thinking long and hard about shit - and I still love him...I mean I know that you just can't wake up and fall out of love with someone....but Im worried that the end of the summer is going to come, and hes just gonna kick me to the curb...and I want to be strong for that....I want to be prepared if that happens....

I love him so fucking much though...thats the worst part....he could do anything to me ....and I would still love him - does that make me a bad person??????

Meh .... I give up - I try to not think about it....and try to not dwell.....but its sooo hard.

This is defenitely a PMS week....I can feel it.....watch out people in my way.....cause I'll mow ya down....

A Holiday weekend to remember....NOT

So...its the long weekend, well more like the end of the long weekend...and I have nothing to show for it. I must admit , prolly the most boring of the long weekend's Ive experienced in a long time. I started off knowing that I couldn't do anything for lack of time ( because of second job) and lack of money ( although I have a second job) ....kinda screws me up the ass both ways doesn't it.

Thursday I was supposed to work , but then didn't end up having too, so I headed to Brantford to see Wes.....yes I know what you're thinking...isn't this like the 4th weekend in a row you have seen him?? And yes - thats true...but its weird - I mean we want to see each other , its nothing about being forced too, or HAVING too....we want too....and I don't mind it all that much to be honest :)

I mean yeah we broke up - he broke up with me I might add - but it seems that maybe he is regretting it on some level.....I mean I could be totally wrong about it , which is why I haven't said anything, but I hope Im not. I hope that this continues and we get to be a couple again, because I know that I have changed for the better, and he has changed when it comes to the more intimate details - yes Im a slut...lol

For some reason, everytime I see him , he gives me the feeling that I had when we first started dating, the new and in love feeling.....and I love it!! haha
But, Im not getting myself too psyched because , he is a guy after all , and is capable of the genuine asshole behaviour that could possible come around when school starts, so I don't want to get too attached , although if that is what he plans on doing, he will have no balls for the start of the new school year let me tell you that much!

Well, we woke up early on fri - 4am!!! - so that he could get packed and ready and leave for the cottage with his buddies.....and I haven't heard from him since....its 11pm and he hasn't called or anything , and I know I know , he has no obligation - but still...he worries me. I get all these scenarios in my head.....

1) he is injured or worse - i know its stupid - but I can totally see something happening and his friends not thinking to let me know and yadda yadda yadda
2) he has come to his senses and used this weekend to finally cut me out of his life completey and I will never hear from him again

AND the worst of them all

3) he has met someone who was by fluke at the cottage , and he has fallen in love at first sight...and they are off gallavanting somewhere.....

oh believe me ...it can happen...don't you people read Cosmo!!! lol

Yes - that is my pathetic little mind at work on a boring SUnday afternoon....god its sad...lol

But yeah - other than that , Friday night I saw Batman...mmmm Christian Bale...mmmmm

Sat night I worked till midnight, and then today I have just lounged around watching movies and what not....nothing special....although living with my parents is starting to get unbearable....

I enjoy having a day to just do nothing, and lie around - like today for example...Im usually really really busy with TWO JOBS and stuff..and just because they are on vacation they think that they run the fucking place...GRRRRRRR

Other than that.....busy busy week ahead of me......school stuff is starting to stress me out - and I have to fix it - and FAST!!

Happy Canada Day and Happy 4th of July to all my american readers :) You know who you are ;)

See ya!!!